Hey Ping,

I was thumbing through the Spring 2006 Motosport Outlet catalog and found a great deal on a new seat for my scoot. Since my order was a few dollars short of $100 (free shipping for $100 orders), I decided to get a T-shirt. As I was perusing the various T-shirts, I suddenly recognized one of the T-shirt models as Gunner Nelson from the band Nelson from the '90s. I called my wife over to show her my unusual finding. She immediately said, " You're such a Dumas, that's the guy from Racer X who writes that column called “Ping”—the same guy who lost the 125 SX title by one point in the '90s." To my astonishment, she was right, I am a Dumas, and you do resemble that Gunner guy. The similarity is too overwhelming to ignore. Is Ricky Nelson your dad? See picture of your long-lost brother above.
David Paul. Woodridge IL

Dear David,
I am in complete agreement with you and your wife: You are a Dumas. And I got the chills when I saw the photo of Mr. Nelson. The photo looks like you morphed a picture of me and Ellen DeGeneres together. I’m not sure if the photo is doctored, but I know I’m not related. While I was a devout Alice in Chains groupie briefly in the 1990s, I was never a fan of the Nelsons. Never. Not even when that one hit song came out. However, if you get any type of DNA evidence, please contact me immediately—maybe they will let me in on the reunion tour. Thanks.
PING

Ping,
Your response to homeschooling was asinine at best. You stated that homeschooled children are dysfunctional what exactly do you base that on? Or do you pull all your info out of you're a$$? How many people do you know that went to public schools that are working at the AM/PM? The only part you have right is that the parents need to set boundaries for there children. But apparently if they go to public school you don't need to set a boundary for your child that is what school is for. This is the exact reason why our educational system is in the state it is. People like you have children then send them off to school to have there teachers raise them and when they get into trouble it is the schools fault. What do think school is for? You say it is a gamble to homeschool your children you may want to look at what the national average is for graduating from public schools you might be surprised at what you find out. Next time do us all a favor and do a little research before you open your mouth.
Mike Lozano

Dear Mike,
It’s obvious that you were either homeschooled or your kids are homeschooled. Otherwise there’s no logical reason for you to be so affected by my personal opinion—unless, of course, you work at an AM/PM yourself, which would explain some of your bitterness and rage. But I’ll be a little more specific about my stance on homeschooling so you can get back to tending the Slurpee machine, so pay attention because I want you to get this.     No school can be expected to raise your children. That is the job of the parents and nobody else. My gripe with homeschooling is that kids have fewer chances to learn how to interact with people their own age, peers, the opposite sex, etc. Even if the parents of a homeschooled child ride him like Seabiscuit about doing his homework and making his studies a priority, it is my personal opinion that he or she is still missing that key component in becoming an adult. I am not saying that public school is the answer; most of the public high schools in Southern California are just holding facilities for state penitentiaries and strip clubs until the students come of age. Some public schools are decent, and there are also some incredible private and Christian schools that would be a great option if I were enrolling my child. But in motocross—which is my frame of reference here—there are a lot folks leaving the “school” part out of the homeschool equation. And speaking of that, Mike, do you realize that there are quite a few grammatical errors in your angry little tirade? What exactly is your educational background? Maybe you should have done a little research before you hit send. Now straighten up the Slim Jim display and get back to work.
PING

Hey Ping,
What are "Rocky Mountain Oysters," and I was wondering if you have ever tried them. Knowing how much you love food, I thought you would be the one to ask. Thanks.
Erick from Vegas

Dear Erick,
I haven’t heard about Rocky Mountain Oysters since, well, last week. They are a delicacy in my old home state of Montana and I was in Big Sky Country last week for a family visit. Montana folks are a different breed. It’s easy to write them off as simple and “hickish” at first, but if you sit down and blend into the slower pace up there, you’ll meet some of the nicest people around. There’s no pretension and very little attitude. Just don’t bring up the movie Brokeback Mountain—it doesn’t go over up there the way it does in “blue state” cities like New York or L.A.
    To answer your question, Rocky Mountain Oysters are bull testicles, Erick, and while they are no Krispy Kreme donut, some people just can’t get enough of them. As for me, I’ll stick to candy and cake.
PING